What your childless friends wont understand

If your a young like me (maybe even some older folks can  relate) you have experienced loosing friends in the 10 months you were pregnant (yes you are pregnant for technically 10 months). What I didnt know then, that I know now is that the ones that do stick around don't know what life is really like after you have become a mother. 

Life never  really goes back to being the same. No more partying frequently or even occasionally. In my case its endangered and I'm lucky if it happens once a year. No more alone time or free time. No room for a night . out with the girls. For Some moms that's okay, life happens, thing are suppose to change. Your life is now dedicated to a child who honestly needs you there. Things may get better when they start school, but that free time you may have will probably have to go towards, cleaning, working and running errands. Which is what  you most likely did before but now you can do it in peace. 

Most friends don't understand the change. They don't see that if your a stay at home mom you are a full time provider, or if your breastfeeding that your nursing baby needs you at night. They wont see that the club scene is really no place for a mother of 2 and wont appreciate that you went that one time two years ago. They wont get why you cant have that 4th drink or why you are just saying NO 

I went out with a friend about 2 or 3x (within the past 3+ years) and I remember her asking me why it seemed like I was in a rush to do things and get home early as if I had a curfew. Subconsciously I did. I was like Cinderella trying to make it home in time to my kids to make sure no one woke up angry or asked for mommy. Although I was glad to be out, a part of me was still home. I would take back a drink and look into it right before I drank it and think about my kids - Where they okay? Did they need me? Did I leave enough milk for my breastfed child? Sure dads home but Dad is not mom. They wont understand that, they wont see that dad is really only like an assistant (your lucky if hes even that) or that you honestly miss your kids even if you been at home with them everyday for the past two years.

Sure I need a break, but it gets kind of tiring when friends tell me I NEED to go out as if I lost something in my life. I'd like to go out, but not as frequently as my friends think. Id like to have a drink once in a blue, but I dont want to get drunk like Im at a college frat party. Your friends wont understand, that you will choose a night of sleep over a night of good ol dancing and some fun. Sleep seems way more important as a mom. Even a nice shower is a treat as a mother. But they wont understand that.

When you have children not only does your life change, but your relationship with others do. Your best friend of many years may now only be someone you speak to once a month (when you used to speak to her 20x a day). Your mother may suddenly ask why don't you  call her any more like you used to (forgetting that there isn't much time for phone calls these days). Your husband may wonder what happened to the days where you guys would be physically intimate. It all changes. 

Your lucky if you get a few that stick around, the ones who understand all the madness and still remain persistent in an ever evolving relationship. A good friend one wont get annoyed that you never called back because they know you have a lot going on. Don't feel lonely that everyone has seemed to continue with their life because they did what they are suppose to do, Their life didn't change, yours did and you continued on with your new life as they did with their usual life. 

Its Okay to Not like your kids sometimes

We are humans fully capable of experiencing an array of emotions, from sad to excited we cover it all. We handle stress differently and have more or less patience than others. Ill probably be the first to admit, sometimes I don't like my kids. Does this mean I don't love them?, NO! It just simply mean there are times when I am not too fond of them and just need a simple break.  

My kids are rough! Some days are better than others, some worse than most days. They are really into independence (I blame that on my free range method) and they are just into everything like most children. They are emotional creatures, always crying or demanding something, never listening to the word you drill in their head everyday (no). Being a breastfeeding on demand, work at home, stay at home mom is not easy. The stars are never really aligned in my favor. Before bed, I come up with a master plan in my head for the day before. IT NEVER HAPPENS. Like I said my kids are rough. 

On my bad days sometimes I want things to go as planned and when its really bad I just want a break from it all. I don't want boogers on my face, or a 2 year old brushing my hair pretending to be a hair stylist. I don't want my son pulling at my shirt for his 5th nursing session is 20 minutes. Sometimes I don't want to be touched or bothered. I'm not a monster. I'm a person with feelings. Sure a super mom would enjoy their whiney toddler tugging on their cape every 3 minutes, but I know I don't on my bad days. 

Its okay to be overwhelmed and need a break. Its okay to cry when your 7 day old just wont shut up. We are not made from steel. If we didn't have these emotions we would all be monotone robots. Don't beat yourself up , life happens. Take a deep breath (if you can), pace around the house (without tripping over some toys) and tell yourself  "soon they will all be sleeping" (even if they just woke up lol) 

"Your baby Can read"....WHY?!

"Your baby Can read" - Making a baby genius or Lazy Parents?

My mind is all over with this post. I have a few things to say about this product and parenting in general. Ill start by saying, its so inticing! Watching those infomertials late night, seeing little 9 month olds saying words off a que card. I was shocked! I wanted my baby to talk and read. How could anyone deny enhancing they child, it doesnt hurt. Does it? 

Why do we need a 9 month old talking? Why do we need them Reading? Are we just too lazy as a society to stop and read to our children these days and have a few more conversations? It seems like we have better things to do with our time as parents so we sit our 3 month old in front of a TV for a few minutes (or hours) and make a baby genius. Yeah Right! 

TV is not recommended for children under the age of 2 (says the AAP). Sure we all need some free time and turn in the boob tube and pray for some relaxation. Im just as guilty of that. Summer has her favorite shows but shes almost 3 and most didnt pop up until after a year ( here I go bragging, which will start my next subject soon), and the same goes for her little brother. 

We live in a time where everyone wants a super genius baby. Mothers can be just as competitive as sports players. Everyone wants not only the cutest kid but the smartest one. A child that is the best at everything that comes there way and hits the milestones before they are suppose to even occur. We are all like that in some way. I know, I was as a first time mom. We brag about our advanced child and bookmark each accomplishment as if man hadnt already walked on the moon. I think we all seem to forget that most normal children will catch up to the advanced ones and thats all that really counts. 

Do we really want to advance our child because we want them to be Harvard graduate or because we want one more trick to our Monkeys resume. Read reviews on this product, good and bad. This is not something that teaches your child to read, it teaches word memorization as a whole. A picture of a word is not as good as knowing the phonics of the word.

We rush our kids to grow up to fast. We take the bottle away at 6 months, encourage early walking as if they have some where to go, wean them from the breast because they grew a tooth. We then wonder why our 11 year old girls want to wear make up and dress like a 23 year old woman. Life has been a race from birth. I personally dont mind my babies babbles or reading the same book 7x in a row to them, I have no desire to be read to by them until I'm old and gray. Babies are babies, and toddlers are toddlers, not baby genius's.

Patience....Got some to spare?

I am truly a firm believer that you must have some sort of patience to get by as a parent. You cant skimp by on that. Sure, I'm a firm believer in it but I never knew how much I would exactly need to survive mother hood.

Sleepless nights and crying child can wear down on your patience. My kids never slept good and infants. Always waking up every 30 minutes to nurse. Never satisfied, always crying. It was so hard. I would sit and think, "If this is hard now, imagine when they get older". They say the kids get better with time, it doesn't, when one thing is over a new habit starts, example, tons of drooling from teething babies leads to teeth to bite moms nipple off during nursing sessions, some babies are cereal bitters, thank god mines weren't!

Some nights it was so bad, i would cry too, I figured hey, maybe they will have some sympathy on me and just go to sleep. yeah, who was I kidding? There's no room to be a baby when your taking care of a baby. Mother hood is so hard sometimes and I find myself searching for patience high and low. Its often being stretched in the middle of the day and by nap time I'm running on E!

 Lucky thing for us moms (and dads) is that patience can be Replenished! Sometimes it takes a little digging to find out what will help you get back in to mommy mode and away from a mommy melt down. I often say I love my kids a little more after they nap because its like fresh start. 20 minutes of peace can do wonders on someones mind! Every morning wake up like its a new day because guess what? It is! Your patience level will be refilled!

Did you notice the leaves were changing?

The weather has suddenly changed. Its much colder than it was yesterday but the sun is still shining. The winter is approaching, dreading the winter time. I just totally skipped the fact that fall has arrived. Pumpkin picking, Apple orchards, halloween costumes and family dinners. Oh yes and the leaves are changing.

Every year I promise myself I'm going to stop and realize the leaves are changing . Not look up one day while on the highway and finally realize the leaves look more beautiful than when they are just plain ol' green. It never happens, Maybe this year it will.

My sons 1st birthday party approaching and as I was preparing a sweet 12 month collage of him and I realized he changed right before my eyes. He was once a ball of cells and now he is this little being. He went from 0 (mph) to 60 in 12 months but it feels like 5 minutes. How could I not see the transformation? I'm glad I took many pictures of him. Sometimes its hard to see the gradual changes. Physically and mentally.

We should take more time out our days to see things. Make an actual effort instead of just letting life pass us by. We are are living but are hardly enjoying the existence of the small things. The leaves changing or the way a little boy can grow in to a handsome little Hercules both have the same significance. Realize whats in front of you before life passes you by.

Becoming a mom *again* to your first after the second.

When Leo was born Summer was exactly 1 day shy of being 22 months old. My almost 2 year old took sister hood like a champ. No jealous fits, almost understanding to this new creature who had barged into her life. How rude of him! Coming into our lives, demanding all of this attention. I thought I had the reins on things, but reality struck hard and fast. I thought life was hard with one (how ungrateful of me). Now its beyond hard. I had to learn the art of multitasking times two,

I remember the first time I got to cook breakfast for the first time alone with just the kids. I felt so accomplished. Little did I know was that for the following days to come, I would burn my bacon 3 days in a row and serve Summer cold eggs because Leo demanded his breast milk straight from the tap.

I often felt over whelmed with the two of them around, sometimes Summer would be clingy, It was normal, she was still a baby herself. She wanted hugs and cuddles too and so did Leo. I would sit and think, "How could I be a mother to my second when I'm still learning how to be a mother to my first? Why is being a second time mom Feeling like I'm a first time mom? WTF did I get myself into?"

Leo was like his sister in many ways but like himself in a million more ways. He wouldn't take a pacifier, Summer did, I didn't know how to sooth a child who didn't want to pacifier, but I learned. I became the paci. Nursing On demand, doing anything to give Summer and I peace and quiet.

 The book I read during my second pregnancy was on preparing for adding an additional child to the family, the second child. It Fixated a lot on how to introduce your first to your second. I don't ever recall it explaining that with your second it will be like doing it all over again times 2! My kids are close in age so it may be different for people who have larger gaps in years between their kids. The book didn't prepare me.

Some days are easier then others, most days I'm going bonkers but I tell you this much, with time I've learned to mother both my children. Its been almost a year since Leo has came into our lives and I'm still getting to know him. Summer's almost 3 and I'm going through the trials and tribulations of potty training and the "terrible 2's" that shes had since she was 1. Leo is still demanding, still hard to satisfy and still denying the pacifier.

 Life changed for me and Summer. No more "one on one" time, she had to share toys, I share myself. There really is no great advice for someone expecting their second child. I just feel like you shouldn't forget about your first, let family help you, love can come from all places, don't feel like you have to be the sole provider for love, hugs and kisses. Make time, even if you cant seem to find it. Read more books, you may not be a conversation with them but you will be implicitly talking to them. Before you know it they will be entertaining each other and they wont need you any more.

Breastfeeding Produces Milk not "Daddy's boys" Or "Daddy's girls"

I find it kind of amusing how almost everyone who approaches me when I'm with my two monkeys and they automatically assumes that one of the kids is Daddy's boy or girl. I have two happy kids on each hip (an almost 3 and 1 year old), while dad freely roams the isles ( do I sound jealous? I am!). Does it look like they belong to daddy?

Breastfeeding both my children has given us a very, very, very, very Strong bond, stronger then gorilla glue! I'm sure all breastfeeding advocates say "breast is best, you build such a strong bond". What they don't tell you is that as the sole provider for nutrition (breastfeeding, not pumping) your child will imprint your face in their brain, JUST LIKE A GOSLING

. You are the moon (their pamper), the stars (their pump cloth) and the sky (their wipey), and daddy (quoted from my husband) is "the help".

Not only are you the sole nutritional provider, you also end up doing everything else most of the time because lets face it, breastfed babies nurse a lot. You might as well change that poopy diaper dads running from, and while your at it change the clothes too. Might as well shower them, might as well do everything else!

I often feel that there is no room for dad when it comes to the breastfed baby. We are taught not to pump for 2 months, breastfeed on demand, stare at your baby, cuddle your baby, wake up every hour at night and nurse 15x a day, be there for your baby AT ALL TIMES. Where's dads spot? Where does dad fit into this this equation? I often argued with my husband about me doing all the work when in the reality my baby chose me to do all the work. They didn't want dad. They wanted a warm breast, warm milk, long hair to wrap around their tiny fingers, a soft spot in the perfect place. A woman was built to do this and her infant was meant to need her.

My son is a mama's boy and my daughter is mama's girl. It is apparent at all times, it's probably the only thing my husband gets jealous about (I'm pretty sure he could do without all the hard work). Dad shouldn't get credit for my lactating boobs, 3am feedings at 14 months (yes, 14 months) and hard work. They are mines :)


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Every situation is different, this is mines. If your breastfed baby geared towards their father, congrats to you, you have been given an extra 30 minute break in your day :)
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Super Mom I am Not!

I have no desire to have Breakfast ready before my kids wake up, or to have the cleanest house in America (If anything, I actually may end up on the show "Clean House"). I don't want to iron my clothes, or tuck in my sons shirt. I don't mind having breakfast for Lunch and dinner at 8. I have no desire to Perfect the small or Large things when it comes to Parent hood. Life is like a box of chocolates and you don't really find that out until you have some spawn of your own.

When I wake up, I don't know if I'm going to wake up in a puddle of pee (yes we co- sleep, if sardines can do it, so can we) or with drips of drool on my face because my puppy, uh I mean son, is hovering over me with a huge watery grin on his face. Sometimes the sun is out, sometimes its not. Breakfast happens when it can and Summer is completely content with her honey nut cheerios and some juice on the side. Who says she needs breakfast fit for a queen everyday? No me!

The only thing consistent in our lives is my sons nap and even that's changing a little more everyday. I cant predict tomorrow but I can tell you I don't care much for being a super mom. I wont post a status update on my perfectly well behaved children (because they aren't) or how I completely adore being a mother (some days I think I should be getting paid for this full time gig lol). I won't pretend that I dont take just a little longer in the bathroom, or wish I could hide under the bed without my rugrats finding me . Super mom can do it all, and guess what? I can't and I'm okay with that :)

I bet you already knew that

Only a mom would know how great it would feel to 

take a shower after a long day (or 2, no I'm not disgusting; I'm occupied )

eat dinner in peace, 

sleep 13 hours straight. 

Think without interruptions

Go out with some friends

Relax

not get dirty as soon as your bathed or dressed. 

have the kids sleep in sync

This is my 2011 Christmas wish List,  I don't want another camera, or that iPhone clutch I've been dying for, or a day at the salon so I can finally wax my eye brows..Now who's going to make my wish Come true?

Child Psych 101

When I was pregnant with my Accidental Love Bug, Summer, I was attending my 2nd year of college. I took child psych enthusiastically, thinking it would prepare me for this growing bean in my bulging belly. It taught me all sorts of stuff. The best advice (I thought at the time) from what I can remember now (after too much NickJr and being a stay at home mom) was letting my child be a free child. Parents usually stick their infants in many devices to stay hands free. It is said most infants are in devices (stroller, car seat, playpenbounce chair, etc.) more then they are in their parents arms.

Letting your kids roam free Safely was the best thing you could do for you child, the psych book basically said "ditch the play pen". So before my bouncing watermelon entered the world, I was anti-Playpen. I wanted to raise a "Free Range" baby and so I did!

My little baby girl went from laying in bed like a sack of potatoes, to sitting in mommy's lap assisted, exploring the world as far as her little beady eyes would let her. She followed all the normal baby stuff. Poop, pee, make mommy crazy, oh yeah and Crawl. The dreaded Crawl.

Life was sweet before that horrid milestone reached our lives. I never did take child psych 2, but Im sure it would of said something like this

"Although letting your child be free is recommended, I personally suggest you don't try it. Why, You ask!?

Because no matter how much you baby proof and watch your child, he or she will manage to

find a cord she can tug on,
get a toy she can bang against the glass coffee table you should of got rid of
find a 2 month old french fry you never knew about,
jet to the cat and dog water bowl all within 10 seconds for a nice hand wash
play with the dust bunnies you forgot to wipe away (hey Im not super mom, I cant do it all),
take a sip from the cup of soda you confidently left on the floor
Pull out every DVD you ever owned
And learn the word "No" in a day because You said it 1 billion times (yes you do say it that much)."

The book failed to tell me my child will eventually walk, and reach things she never did before, have a different view of life, and get to things faster then she did yesterday.

Summer is almost 3 now and is still a free range child. She fends for her self, she acts as if she was raised with a pack of wolves (no literally, shes regressed to getting on her fours, eating without her hands and begging for food lol). She is a very happy independent child. She knows her boundaries and likes to push them, she has no limits to life, but with my guide and safety I can show her the way.

I'm making the Same bitter sweet mistake with her baby Brother!